Bobbyballers 2008-11-13 08:57:44

This letter is not a memoir. Nor is it a policy memorandum issued by the government or by a local think tank. Rather, it is an assessment of how it breaks my heart and fills my chest with agonizing pain when I see Newgrounds put maledicent thoughts in our children's minds. Let us note first of all that it would be charitable of me not to mention that following its words left to right and down a page is like following fingernails on a chalkboard. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity so I will instead maintain that once one begins thinking about free speech, about patronizing big-labor bosses who use ostracism and public opinion to prevent the airing of views contrary to their own uninformed beliefs, one realizes that it is extraordinarily brazen. We've all known that for a long time. However, Newgrounds's willingness to encumber the religious idea with too many things of a purely earthly nature and thus bring religion into a totally unnecessary conflict with science sets a new record for brazenness.

I myself have this advice to offer: The world has changed, Newgrounds; get used to it. I agree that while decent people sit by, snore, and have their maws open, Newgrounds is out forcing me to abandon all hope. But I also think that we must stop tiptoeing and begin marching boldly and forthrightly towards our goal, which is to hold out the prospect of societal peace, prosperity, and a return to sane values and certainties. Newgrounds labels anyone it doesn't like as "obscene". That might well be a better description of it.

Some people have indicated that Newgrounds apparently wants to use us to fulfill its flighty mission. I can neither confirm nor deny that statement, but I can say that Newgrounds and its subalterns are, by nature, irresponsible witless-types. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but I would really like to comment on Newgrounds's attempt to associate gangsterism with resistentialism. There is no association. That fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence. If Newgrounds ever claims that it is a spokesman for God, we must answer only one thing: "No, the reverse is true." Before you declare me drossy, let me assert that I wonder what would happen if Newgrounds really did provide financial support to backwards banana republics and their nettlesome dictators. There's a spooky thought.

The irony is that Newgrounds's most dishonest memoranda are also its most uneducated. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent." Whenever I hear someone say that taxpayers are a magic purse that never runs out of gold, my upper lip develops an involuntary curl. It's a pity. Newgrounds's opinion is that people don't mind having their communities turned into war zones. Of course, opinions are like sphincters: we all have them. So let me tell you my opinion. My opinion is that Newgrounds yearns for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. By the same token, it abhors the current era, in which people are free to purge the darkness from Newgrounds's heart.

It would be hard to find anyone who doesn't agree that Newgrounds feels it has not only a right, but also a duty, to assuage the hungers of its hangers-on with servings of fresh scapegoats. Likewise, it is absolutely determined to believe that the moon is made of green cheese, and it's not about to let facts or reason get in its way. Instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails. Only then can we finally take steps against the whole cheeky brotherhood of beastly politicasters. Yes, Newgrounds will try to stop us by breaking down our communities, but in its quest to separate people from their roots and cut their bonds to their natural communities it has left no destructive scheme unutilized. Already, some argumentative-to-the-core freaks have begun to impair the practice of democracy, and with terrifying and tragic results. What precepts will follow from their camp is anyone's guess. Individually, Newgrounds's stances subject us to the fatuous yapping of wicked lugs. But linked together, Newgrounds's propositions could easily destroy our moral fiber. Let me end this letter by challenging my readers to deal with Newgrounds's venal ploys on a case-by-case basis. Are you with me, or with the forces of negativism and oppression?